8 Months: VICTORY and LOSS

A dear friend sent me an email with those words victory and loss in the subject line, I thought it said it all!
Eight months to the day, GOD gave VICTORY to my dear, dear husband...but we feel a deep, deep loss!

So much has transpired in the last two months as GOD gently and faithfully fulfilled every scripture we had opened to, and HE continued to guide us...through the WORD and the songs on our hearts.

Funeral services will be held at 4:30 pm Sunday, June 24, 2012 at the Apostolic Christian Church, Forrest. Burial will be in the South Apostolic Christian Cemetery, rural Fairbury. Visitation will be from 1:00 to 8:00 pm Saturday at Duffy-Pils Memorial Home, Fairbury and 3:30 to 4:15 pm Sunday at the church. 

As Fred and I often sang over the last eight months not only when the going was tough but just in PRAISE of OUR MAKER and SAVIOUR...

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

AMEN and AMEN

Thanking GOD for SIX MONTHS!

Yes, today marks six months since the Dr. said Fred only had 3 months to live if he didn't take chemo!  We are sooo thankful! Thankful and standing in awe of GOD and all HE has done for us!!!  What a comfort to have lived these last six months abiding in HIS AMAZING PEACE!

We began our day PRAISING HIM and will end it the same, PRAISING GOD for the GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!  TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

p.s.
It won't be long before the four carpenters begin!  :)
As Dad Leman once said, "We wait with anticipation for what the LORD has in store for us!"

Our Sons Wedding Weekend Has Begun!

This week has been full of gear shifting! ;)

Fred and I had talked after returning from Texas - with our cups overflowing with deep, personal, experiences through HIS SPIRIT, that we were surely being prepared for some challenges.  I know I mentioned to more than one person, that if the LORD tried to push one more experience into my being on that Texas Crusade, I was certain I was gonna burst!  I believe we have begun to see a part of what that oasis in the desert was all about!  I've never been fond of roller coasters, and this week has pretty much felt like one as we had one good day or night and then the next was filled with affliction of one sort or another.  But we have arrived at today with renewed courage to continue trusting the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE...Our FATHER...thank you JESUS!!!

Here's an update since our last post.  Saturday, the LORD worked another miracle as I was able to "find" a dress for the wedding! :) Actually, I had to confess to my sister-in-law that I hadn't really committed this detail to the LORD, so before we headed off to Morris, we did just that!  We arrived in town around 1pm, went to the first shop and found a dress! It was the right color, it was the right size, and although it needed modification, it appeared to be easily done!!!... it was the only dress in the store that met these criteria!  The next store yielded up a blouse, and with a call to the Sewing Service....the mission was accomplished by 3:30pm!! Now I don't know what you would call that, but to me, it was simply nothing less than DIVINE, FATHERLY, LOVE!!!.... through answered prayer!

EASTER SUNDAY
What a beautiful day as we, along with nations of people, PRAISED GOD for the empty tomb...OUR RESURRECTED SAVIOUR, JESUS!  As I thought about that and read of thousands praising HIM, the thought came to me.  The WORD says if we won't PRAISE GOD, that the stones will!  Then I thought of that amazing protein molecule, Laminin, and the SPIRIT said, Brenda, when you PRAISE GOD it's not just one being, or one of thousands, there are trillions of cells in your body and because HE has created you, every one of those cells are filled with HIS LIGHT, and PRAISING GOD when you PRAISE HIM!!!  What a powerful tool we hold in our being!!!  As I was writing this I did a Google search to see how many cells we had.  Science NetLinks, a science teachers resource, states as many as..... are you ready for this???  100 TRILLION!!!
So! that means when we are going through a rough spot where the enemy is trying to take us down in despair, we have at our "finger tips" 100 trillion voices of LIGHT and PRAISE!  The devil can't abide in the LIGHT, so JESUS will be the victor, IF we will give GOD the GLORY HE sooo deserves!  WOW, that's a tall order, but I've purposed in my heart to GIVE GOD the GLORY!! 

Monday and Tuesday were spent preparing for Wednesday. ;)  Our crew got started bright and early Wednesday morning to pour the slab for our house! The garage and front porch area will be finished tomorrow, unless the weather is unfavorable.

Here's a couple pictures!

The First Pour

Finished!

The day seems to be passing favorably and we are looking forward to the Rehearsal Dinner this evening!

So appreciate all the texts/emails of encouragement with Scriptures that continue to build our Faith and Trust in HIM!
May HIS PEACE and POWER fill each of us as we go moment by moment, looking for opportunities to PRAISE HIS NAME!

Praise GOD for the Gift of HIS SON!

GOOD FRIDAY INDEED, as we reflect on JESUS sacrifice for us!  If it hadn’t been for HIM, we wouldn’t be walking this journey by faith and with the comfort of HIS SPIRIT. Thank you JESUS! 

The week has been one of ups and downs, which are almost beginning to feel  normal! Holding fast to our faith and belief that GOD is performing a miracle in Fred’s body gets a little tough when he’s hit with pain.  A dear friend referenced the scripture this week in Daniel, where Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, had to explain to the king why they refused to bow down to his image.  I so appreciate their words… Our GOD is able to deliver us and HE will deliver us from thy hand, but if not, we will not bow down.  That testimony is so inspiring every time I read it!  No matter what kind of fire the devil puts to us, we don’t have to yield.  Feeling certain we are in the right camp, and that GOD IS  performing  a miracle, I still find a thought float thru my mind of uncertainty from time to time.  This morning was one of those times.  I wondered if at some point in my life I would ever look back to this time and be tormented by the devil that we didn’t do “enough.”  So before Fred read, I asked GOD if HE would open the Word to something for me to know if HE wanted us to look into other avenues of “fighting” this cancer, and this is what HE said.  …to consider of this matter,…ye know how that a good while ago GOD made choice among us, I felt GOD was saying, Brenda, remember almost six months ago when I asked you to believe?  GOD which knoweth the hearts, bare them witness…purifying their hearts by faith. Now therefore why tempt ye GOD…but we believe that through the grace of our LORD JESUS CHRIST,we shall be saved, even as they! Fred kept reading, and by this time the tears were streaming down my face for answered prayer and sorrow for my weak faith. And then he read… After this I will return, and will build again the tabernacle of David, which is fallen down; and I will build again the ruins thereof, and I will set it up: that the residue of men might seek after the LORD …known unto GOD are all HIS works from the beginning of the world!!!  As Fred finished, I waited for him to speak, would the SPIRIT move his heart the same as HE did mine?  He said, “We just have to keep doing and believing and let GOD take care of the rest.”  My heart sang out in PRAISE!!! Once again GOD has spoken very directly and we deeply thank HIM for this!

GOOD FRIDAY, INDEED!

More Revelations on Saturday

Friday I felt I noticed a shift in Fred's overall confidence.  As the WORD opened Saturday morning, he read Mark 9:14-29, where JESUS is asked to heal a man's son, because HIS disciples could not.  v23 JESUS said unto him, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." v24 And straightway the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "LORD, I believe; help Thou my unbelief."  After finishing the reading Fred confessed he had offered the same prayer to GOD yesterday! And then the hymn came sweetly to my heart..."Only believe, Only believe, All things are possible, Only believe. Only believe, Only believe, All things are possible, Only believe"  As I sang it to Fred, it gave us both a peace and encouragement to hold fast to HIS WORDS and believe! Later that morning the Spirit brought another song to my heart, Our GOD, HE is Alive and the chorus reads like this...
There is a GOD, HE is alive
In HIM we live and we survive
From dust our GOD
Created man
HE is our GOD,
The great I AM
These hymns and verses just keep driving home the point from the inspirational message I linked to in my Thursday post.  This Great GOD is our FATHER and HE CAN do anything.  We daily submit our lives to HIS WILL.  Why should we fear? Really, what is there to fear?  We are on HIS team, HE is our Captain and HE WILL WIN! How do I know? The BIBLE tells me so! And then don't forget Laminin!  If you haven't watched the video clip, DO! It really helps bring all things into perspective.

The day was filled with work at the house as we brought in more gravel to prepare for the plumbers.  He worked like a dog and ended up paying for it a bit as it took a little while to settle into bed that night.

The night was good and we woke up Sunday and I am certain Fred had a spring in his step as he prepared to go to church, and a song in his heart...others at church noticed it too!  I couldn't help but tell those who asked that we were doing great! This morning was when the LORD gave me the directive from Ezekiel 40:4 to "declare all that thou seest."  We spent Sunday evening relaxing at home and we shared our thoughts together that the enemy of the soul would surely be launching attacks on us.  He didn't wait long, Fred began to feel uncomfortable in his stomach before bed and the night was very restless, no pain but he didn't sleep much.

Monday morning my faith was beginning to grow a little dim, and the LORD opened the WORD to Luke 1:11-20  I was admonished!  Here the LORD was revealing HIS glad tidings to us just a couple of days ago, and I was struggling with unbelief! Needless to say with tears I prayed for forgiveness! I went to work in HIS peace, but kinda exhausted.  A dear friend had left a daily devotional book on my desk, so I turned to April 2nd and this is what it said...

   I am here. Here as truly as I was with MY Disciples of old.  Here to help and bless you. Here to company with you.  Do you know, even yet, My children, that this is the priceless blessing of your lives?  I forgive you, as you have prayed Me to, for all neglects of MY commands, but start anew from today.
   Study MY words and carry them out unflinchingly, unflinchingly. As you do this, you will find that you are miracle-workers, workers together with ME-for ME. Remember this, not what you do, but what you are-that is the miracle-working power.
   Changed by MY Spirit, shedding one garment of Spirit for a better.  In time throwing that aside for a yet finer one and so on from character to character, gradually transformed into MY likeness.
   Joy, joy, joy

I set about to do as HE asked...unflinchingly!

GOD's Word Speaks to Us

Friday and Saturday brought several directives to our hearts through the WORD.  As I pondered them, I wondered if I should place them on the blog.  You know how it is when you feel HIS SPIRIT speak so very directly to you, seeing you right where you're at and laying it out before you so that you cannot deny it is HIM...and you want to kinda keep it close to your heart...  I had offered a prayer for direction and, GOD made it clear Sunday morning when I opened the Bible to Ezekiel.  I will confess that when I opened the WORD, I had a fleeting thought to turn from it as I wondered how he would answer me in this part of the Bible where it was giving a description of the gates of the temple.  But I felt HIS SPIRIT tug at me to search the pages...it didn't take long and verse 4 kinda exploded off the page!  Obviously, GOD CAN DO ANYTHING and I was to "declare all that thou seest..." that HIS name would be Glorified!

And this is what I "saw with my eyes, heard with my ears, and to set my heart upon all that HE will show me..."

Friday morning the LORD opened the WORD to Zechariah 1:8-21
As Fred read these words, I listened in calmness thinking to myself how interesting it was that the description seemed a little like HE was describing our "house" in town "...and he stood among the myrtle trees that were in the bottom..." it reminded me of the row of cedars in our yard.  As Fred continued reading, I wasn't getting any strong direction as to the meaning of the words, but when he arrived at the 15th verse where it speaks of affliction, I started to feel the Spirit quicken in me and then he went on reading verse 16 "...I am returned to Jerusalem with mercies: my house shalt be built in it, saith the LORD of hosts..." the WORD was alive and I felt GOD saying...this is going to happen, the house is going to be built because HE was going to have mercy on us!  Fred's affliction is from the enemy of our souls and the LORD is going to bring judgement upon "the heathen."  And Fred read on, I hadn't said a word about what he was reading. "What be these?...These are the horns which have scattered....and the LORD shewed me four CARPENTERS!" Now I'm not for sure, but I think I said, "Does it really say four carpenters??!!!"
And of course he confirmed that it did, and continued reading.  "...What come these to do? And he spake, saying, These are the horns which have scattered Judah, so that no man did lift up his head; but these are come to fray them, to cast out the horns of the Gentiles, which lifted up their horn over the land of Judah to scatter it."  And he stopped reading.  As we shared the thoughts of our hearts, he had felt the LORD speak to him in the same way.

We believe GOD has revealed through HIS SPIRIT that HE is going to work that miracle that HE said HE was going to perform back in October and it is going to have a strong tie to the building of our home by four carpenters!  We wait with great anticipation!!!  I'll finish "the rest of the story" tomorrow.

PRAISE GOD!

If there was one word I could use to sum up our experience during our week in Texas, it is PRAISE!  GOD showed us in powerful ways that HE wants us to PRAISE HIS NAME!!  No matter what!  And when we do, HIS NAME IS GLORIFIED.  When we do, the enemy of our soul has no power over us!  When we do, life is filled with Peace, not fear...

SATURDAY was good as he pretty much moved past the nausea from the procedure.  We rested a bit during the afternoon so we weren’t quite ready to go to bed.  About  9PM I said, “Why don’t we look at that CD Lee gave me?”  I had been given a CD labeled “How Great Is Our God” about 3 months ago and several times had intention to get it out and see what was on it, but it never happened.  For 3 months that thing rode around in my briefcase! That night I thought we’d slip it in and see just what this dear friend had been encouraging me to look at.  It didn’t take long to see GOD’s perfect timing as we looked in amazement at the heavens and the stars and a little protein molecule called laminin and were reminded in a most powerful way of how GREAT is the GOD we serve.  At the end the LORD spoke very clearly to my heart that HE knew exactly where we were and that HE was right there holding us together.  Please take time to visit this link and see for yourself “How Great Is Our GOD!”  As a matter of fact, don’t "take" time… "MAKE" time!!! ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAzCP8SEKwc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

SUNDAY morning I read the beautiful scripture referenced in the message we heard last night.  Psalm 33. Fred’s night was mostly sleepless, but we were thankful that he had no pain and no nausea!  We went for afternoon church and were also able to be at ACYF that evening. 

MONDAY morning before Fred opened the Word, I offered up a heart prayer to GOD that HE would help us understand what it was that we should be doing…were we to continue holding to HIS direction given to us five months ago, or was it time to switch gears with the therapies HE showed us to use, or was it time to “accept reality” as it “appears”… like the enemy is prevailing.  And then Fred opened to Psalm 67…no, GOD opened the Word to Psalm 67!  Seven verses long.  As I lay there listening to Fred read, I heard him say…”thy saving health”!! I don’t usually interrupt him, but I said “Seriously,!!  Does it really say that”!!? And then “Let the people praise THEE , O GOD” over and over and over!  OK then, my heart spoke back,  we will keep praising THEE, THE GOD of the UNIVERSE and continue to TRUST with unreasoning  TRUST!  Why? Because HE is our GOD, even our own GOD, and it IS in HIS hand to BLESS us, our little part is to offer PRAISE to HIS name!  The rest of Monday was not smooth, pain started up in the afternoon, but so thankful it can be managed with medication.

TUESDAY Fred was able to work for a few hours at the farm office.  I was able to get to a couple places for house plans and in the evening we and some of our kids went into the house to move dirt and gravel around and pick up branches.  We even had a little help from Pennsylvania! Thanks Tyler!

WEDNESDAY we started with an early Dr appt. followed by several mtgs for house plans and then an afternoon appt. with a Urologist.  Dr. said everything looked very good and he would schedule the appt. with Radiology to have the nephrostomy tubes replaced in 6-8 wks. Driving home, that nagging voice of fear was trying to gain a foothold.  Instantly the Spirit was there with a song on my heart “Praise ye the LORD; HE is King over all the creation!” Zion’s Harp #5.  It doesn’t get much better than that! Fred and I sang it together as we drove back to Forrest and indeed, my Peace was restored!  After that appt. we had one last stop, to check in with the plumber.  We should be ready for him after the weekend!  Fred tolerated riding in the van fairly well and only needed a little pain reliever before we headed to church.

THURSDAY, this morning, he said it felt good to wake up feeling refreshed, and without pain!  PRAISE GOD!  We’ve noticed after meals a little fatigue comes over him, but it’s not too long before he’s back out the door, not running, but back at it.  He’s a trooper!!! He worked at the office most of the day and this evening we did a little more gravel work to prep for the plumbing and then met with our flatwork guy. I am sooo blessed!  Thank you JESUS!